Mr. Midshipman Davies

I'm obliged to make this journal Friends Only. Just comment to be added.

Just as a reminder, the way this works is that you take one hundred college students, give them all four possible test questions two weeks in advance, review and outline possible answers with them the week before the test, and then watch them come in and fall flat on their faces.  All spelling errors and confusing formatting choices are theirs.

1.  Summarize the course of the French Revolution, and explain its historical significance.
    The French Revolution started in 1789.  It started with the three Estates Generals getting together, or convening.  After a couple months, in June, the third Estate declared them a National Assembly.  This rose up problems.  Persians (Bourgeissie) were storming the Bastille.  The king/lord of the Bastille was going to fight back until he saw fire canons aimed at the wall of the Bastille.  He then decided to surrender.  He was killed and the Persians took over the Bastille.
    This was good for a while until the peasants of Persia started to get worried.  They were fearing that the poor people would start to take over their crops.  Take them and sell them to get some sort of income, seeing as how the crops were almost ready to harvest.  The peasants then started to burn down houses and other things and get out of control.  This is what we call the Great Fear.  The Persian government started to step in, which did and didn't make things better. 
    King Louis the IVX (or IXV, something close) was trying to take hold of everything and all the fighting of the peasants and Persians, but was not having any luck with it.  He decided to disguise him and his family and leave Paris and France because he just couldn't control his kingdom anymore.  King Louis was spotted, brought back to Paris, put in prison for a while and then killed.  He was beheaded by his own people.  At this time France was starting to lose control with all the wars and fighting.  The French continued to fight its wars and way to many people were killed because of the unneccisary fighting.  Napoleon was able to seize power.
    The historical significance of the French revolution was it showed others how to fight and not to fight.  It kind of made guidelines for future wars and fights for other countries.  It helped the modern revolutions, by also giving them guidelines and how to fight.

I love how the student turned "Parisians" into "Persians," but then elected to really run with it.

    The French Revolution was started in 1719 and it is very hard to tell what year it actually ended in.  The French Revolution was a revolution between the French and the English.  This revolution lasted many years, but nobody knows what year it ended in.  It's too difficult to say.
    The French Revolution was a very difficult time for the French, since they kept losing to other countries.  The French's army was not that of a good army.  They didn't have a strong one.  That's why the kept losing to other countries.  They also didn't have any goods to trade with other countries, so they were also pretty messed up there, too.  Every country that fought against France ended up taking the title as winner, or dominator. 
    The French ended up losing the French Revolution.  They had a horrible army and no goods to trade with.  France was not in good hands at this time.  They were the weakest country at this time. 
    The historical significance of the French Revolution was that it brought* about the industrial revolution.  After the French Revolution ended shortly after that, the industrial Revolution started.  Without the French Revolution France probably would not have gotten to be such a strong country.  After losing battle after battle after battle, they finally toughened up and won a few battles.  They got a stronger army and they got some goods to trade other countries with.  They were sick of losing and never winning, so they decided it was time to start winning.

*brought was written at the end of a line, with "broug-" on one line and "ht" at the beginning of the next line

I think that every single thing about this essay is wrong to some degree.

2.  What brought about the "Industrial Revolution" in Europe, and how and why did it begin in the British Isles?
    The French Revolution brought about the Industrial Revolution.  After the French kept losing, it was time to start the Industrial Revolution.  The Industrial Revolution started in the British Isles because the British Isles is where Manchester is.  Manchester is the biggest city with a very low population.  This way when fighting you are in the biggest city, but not alot of people live there so there is not so many deaths when the Industrial Revolution is over.
    The Industrial Revolution ended in Europe somewhere.  It wasn't a very long revolution, but it was a bad one.

Fin.

For the record, we gave them the four possible test questions two weeks in advance.  This essay should include Christopher Columbus, Vasco de Gama, and the Columbian Exchange.

Trace and explain the development of European overseas expansion from the 1400s through the 16th century.  (Consult Ch. 15 and lecture notes from January 30)

On Saturday, I'm heading back to Joliet.

On Tuesday morning, I'm returning to Milwaukee.  I'll be working at the Archdiocesan Archives, studying for my Library School Comprehensives, and generally bumming around.

On Thursday, I'm going church-hopping after the Holy Thursday mass.

If you would like to meet up with me or join me for any of these activities, please get in touch with me.

It's going to snow tonight.  Just two to four inches on top of the meter-high pile of snow already outside my front door.  What a treat!

I went shopping for used books and DVDs yesterday.  I got four of each.

Books:
Population 485: Meeting your Neighbors One Siren at a Time by Michael Parry
The Rising Sun by Douglas Galbraith
Two Years Before the Mast: A Personal Narrative of Life at Sea by Richard Henry Dana, Jr.
Hitler's Willing Executioners: Ordinary Germans and the Holocaust by Daniel Jonah Goldhagen

In my opinion, all good acquisitions.

DVDs:  (I'm not doing links here.  You all know these.)
The Simpsons, Season Six
High Fidelity (my VHS copy is getting pretty unwatchable)
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
The Fantastic Four

The last two were purchased specifically because there are RiffTrax for both of them.  It was in that vein that I was searching for but unable to find cheap copies of Transformers, Batman & Robin, and Jurassic Park.

Oh, and that reminds me, I got the first Cinematic Titanic DVD on Friday, The Oozing Skull.  What I watched seemed pretty cool, but I'm planning to save the rest until MST3K night on Friday.

I'm going to a Super Bowl party this evening, after I go to church and do homework.  It'll be good to see my friends, and there's a new House afterward.  Good times.

(Subject line credit goes to Mary Jo Pehl, and her blog.)

...was awesome.  I was in and out of the Milwaukee downtown DMV in under ten minutes.  We thought they were closed at first because there was no one else there.  I look red in my new license.

I'm going to Joliet on the weekend of October 6.  Why am I announcing that?  Because otherwise it won't happen.

I haven't been home since I passed through on my way back from DC.  I'm due to go back, and I'll never make it if I don't carve out a particular time.

You should plan to hang out with me.

So I'm flying out of Milwaukee on Wednesday the 22nd, going to Washington D.C.  I'm staying at a hostel near the White House for a couple of nights. 

On the 24th, I'm taking a train up to Philadelphia.  I've only got three hours there.  Then I'm taking another (overnight) train to Waterloo, IN to visit my friend Don.  (He was the guy that I was supposed to go on that pilgrimage to Gethsemani Abbey in Kentucky with.)

On the 26th, I'm going to Springfield, IL, via Chicago to visit my friend Nicole.  That's going to be a little bit tight, since there's only twenty minutes between the trains, and there's not another train to Springfield until 5 that night.  I'm hoping for the best.

After I've taken in the sights of beautiful downtown Springfield, I'll return to my family's home in Lockport, IL for a night.  I should be back home in Milwaukee by Monday the 27th.

Why am I doing this?  The trip to Waterloo and then Springfield had been planning and percolating for a while.  Unfortunately, the only train to Waterloo that doesn't arrive at 3 a.m. was sold out from Chicago.  That got me exploring, which got me thinking.  Going to D.C. and its surrounding environs will enable me to change the color of many things on my "Where I've Been" map on Facebook.  Obviously, there's a bit more to it than that, but it just feels like a fun idea.  I can feel satisfied that I've done enough cool stuff with my summer.

Cost for the trip, including air and rail travel and hostel stay: $308.89

Me: "I got eight staples in my head yesterday and I was told to follow up with my primary health care provider."
Receptionist: "Staples? Is this from an injury?"
Me: "Yes."

I went for my now-customary dawn bike ride this morning. Unfortunately, my earlier ventures along the same path had failed to acquaint me with the width of various portions of it. I'm not 100% sure what happened, except that I had drifted a bit and decided to swerve a bit. I ended up on the ground, swearing a blue streak and bleeding. Fortunately a police officer came along at that moment and took me and my bicycle to Columbia St. Mary's. They asked me my social security number seven times and stapled my head eight times. When they determined that I didn't have any insurance with me and that I seemed sort of OK, they wrapped my head in a bandage and sent me on my way with instructions to come back if I thought I had a concussion. The friendly police officer was not friendly enough to wait through my medical things, so he left my bike parked in the ambulance bay for me. I'm not sure what he thought I was going to do with it, since the handle bars were knocked too loose to be of any use until I fish out my tools.

The good news is that, despite not wearing a helmet, I'm basically OK. I have to go day after tomorrow to get things looked at.

The bad news is that I can't go on my retreat. I was considering just going anyway, but I told the doctor that and was basically forbidden to travel in the short term. I'm pretty bummed about that. I haven't seen Don in almost a year, and we've been planning this trip for three months.

( Photos Rated R for the Presence of Red Stuff that Might Be Blood )


UPDATE: I think I'm doing pretty good, though I can't wait to wash my hair tomorrow. (They forbade me to use shampoo during the first twenty four hours.) Thanks for the expressions of concern.

Special Commendation for John Schubert, whose house I visited after my release from the hospital and who took care of me for about an hour before delivering me and my bicycle right to my doorstep.

Lappy McTopkins is dead. It was my first computer, and in many ways my first purchase as an adult. I am saddened. Fortunately, I had most of my data backed up. I lost the latest abortive start on a thesis, lots of pirated music that I'll have to repirate, a lot of photos that I'd already put on Facebook, and my twelve downloaded RiffTrax.


My new computer, Ludwig Aloysius Percival Top, is loaded with excellent features. It has Windows Vista, lots of memory, makes an effort not to overheat, and is generally quite well put together. I kind of hate it.



UPDATE: Using the System Restore Disk (you know, that thing Dell said I'd never need because I had Windows System Rollback?) for the new computer, I was able to get access to the old computer. The initial problem of blue-screening pretty much at will is still a problem, but I got all of my files and stuff off. I think I'm going to have Jonathan reformat the old machine, then use it as a backup or something. Anyway, it's good news.

If you could rename yourself in real life, what would you choose, and why?

I think that any child that's grown up with any easily rhymed name would probably first and foremost desire a name that was multisyllabic and unrhymeable. Twenty-four years of "Joe Mama" and "How 'bout a cup of Joe?" and "YournameisJoeandyouarefromJolietandthatsfunny" have left me terribly disaffected with my name. In part, that's because I've met so few Joes who were inspirational (read: worthy of inclusion in the human race). As anyone does when they meet a person with the same name, I quietly size up any other Joes that I meet. Usually, this results in a vague disinterest and mild scorn, mixed with the slightest twinge of sympathy for another person who lived with parental reassurances that 'You're no Ordinary Joe.' Of course, though, these are usually the type of people who like that sort of thing.

Random Friend: "How 'bout we all go get a cup of Joe. Har har."
Other Joe: "But you've already got a couple of Joes right here. Har har."
Me: *wishing for death*

So if I had to rename myself, I'd choose something long and difficult to shorten into something mockable. Unfortunately, that almost inevitably means choosing something that sounds foreign, and those names get mocked just for being different. Maybe that's why I chose Ferdinand as my Official Screenname for Everything. You can mock it, but it's got too many syllables to be worth it.

Jerks, tauntingly: "Ferdinand, Ferdinand, You suck 'cuz you're Ferdi... Eh, you get the point."

Also, if you were to come up with a really good taunt for that one, you'd probably lose out in the process.

Random Jerk: "Yo Ferdinand! You know what they say? A Ferd-In-Hand is worth two in the bush! Har har."
Even Randomer Jerk: *attacks first jerk using a board with a rusty nail in the end*

In conclusion, if I had to choose a new name, it'd be James.

“A great rabbi stands teaching in the marketplace. It happens that a husband finds proof that morning of his wife’s adultery, and a mob carries her to the marketplace to stone her to death. (There is a familiar version of this story, but a friend of mine, a Speaker for the Dead, has told me of two other rabbis that faced the same situation. Those are the ones I’m going to tell you.)

The rabbi walks forward and stands beside the woman. Out of respect for him the mob forbears, and waits with the stones heavy in their hands. ‘Is there anyone here,’ he says to them, ‘who has not desired another man’s wife, another woman’s husband?’

They murmur and say, ‘We all know of the desire. But, Rabbi, none of us has acted on it.’

The rabbi says, ‘Then kneel down and give thanks that God made you strong.’ He takes the woman by the hand and leads her out of the market. Just before he lets her go, he whispers to her, ‘Tell the lord magistrate who saved his mistress. Then he’ll know I am his loyal servant.’

So the woman lives, because the community is too corrupt to protect itself from disorder.

Another rabbi, another city. He goes to her and stops the mob, as in the other story, and says, ‘Which of you is without sin? Let him cast the first stone.’

The people are abashed and they forget their unity of purpose in the memory of their own individual sins. Someday, they think, I may be like this woman, and I’ll hope for forgiveness and another chance. I should treat her the way I wish to be treated.

As they open their hands and let the stones fall to the ground, the rabbi picks up one of the fallen stones, lifts it high over the woman’s head, and throws it straight down with all his might. It crushes her skull and dashes her brains onto the cobblestones.

‘Nor am I without sin,’ he says to the people. ‘But if we allow only perfect people to enforce the law, the law will soon be dead, and our city with it.’

So the woman died because her community was too rigid to endure her deviance.

The famous version of this story is noteworthy because it is so startlingly rare in our experience. Most communities lurch between decay and rigor mortis, and when they veer too far, they die. Only one rabbi dared to expect of us such a perfect balance that we could preserve the law and still forgive the deviation.

So, of course, we killed him.”
– from Orson Scott Card’s Speaker For the Dead

So I helped Nathan go apartment shopping this afternoon. After looking at some tiny little bachelor cupboards (which wouldn't work since it's him and his girlfriend), we looked at some extremely nice but extremely pricey places.


We saw this image on a wall while we were wandering and searching.

Then we found an awesome place which happened to be managed by Dana Anderson's fiance. Nathan seemed pretty jazzed about the place, so now he just has to sell Kelly on the whole thing.

I have to go find dinner.

My trip on the Denis Sullivan yesterday was awesome. Apparently they have some overnight sailing things. I'm going to have to look into that. I put up some pictures on Facebook.

Today I walked to Capitol Dr. According to Google maps, that would be exactly 3 miles if I'd done it using roads. Instead though, I picked up a trail I haven't been able to find any information about in Caesar's Park heading north along the east side of the river. I followed that until I got to Riverside Park, where I got lost briefly and ended up on the Oak Leaf Trail. I walked that up to Estabrook Park. (Park Map pdf) If you count all of the wandering, it was probably closer to four miles. I definitely enjoyed that unnamed trail, not least because it was more of a hiking trail than a bike trail, and I saw almost no one on it. Oak Leaf is great, but there are a lot of cyclists. After that, I went to Wal-Mart to purchase my long-delayed ice cube trays and stopped at school to make a bank run. Then I had John over and we watched the Rifftrax for Star Trek: Generations. Oh, and I joined the American Library Association.

Homework-wise, today was a wank. Otherwise, I'm quite pleased with myself and the world.

"'To a tormented mind there is nothing, I believe, more irritating than comfort. Apart from anything else it often implies superior wisdom in the comforter. But I am very sorry for your trouble, my dear.'

'Thank you...Had you told me that there was always a tomorrow, I think I should have thrust your calendar down your throat.'"

I just dropped my first class for the summer session. We were entering week 3 of 6 and I still had no clue what the hell was going on. Also, we'd had 40% attrition, roughly. So I'm free as a bird until June 29th or so. I fear the wrath of Financial Aid, but I'm otherwise much happier.

Do you ever feel guilty for reading an entire book in one sitting? Not because of how you spent your time, I mean, but because the author doubtless worked for months on the manuscript that you dashed through in a quiet day's activity.

I dashed through Patrick O'Brian's Letter of Marque yesterday, and I'm definitely going to finish The Thirteen Gun Salute sometime today.

...the time of the semester when other people's stupidity takes up large amounts of time.

Here are two gems from the seven exams I've graded so far for my First World War class. This has a lot to do with why I've only done seven of them. What's great is that they're not only bad, but dynamically bad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Short Answer 1

United States' Entry into the war

The United States entered the war when room 40 (a British decoding group) found or decoded a telegram sent to Mexico from Germany saying "invade america so we can fight our own homeland while the americans are busy fighting you and in return we will give you your land back from the American-mexican war. America was in the war already but this little event triggered the beast who goes by the name america

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ID #7

Emperor Karl: Karl Marx was the 8th Russian Emperor. His assassination brought Russia into the war on the side of the allies.

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...of my job is grading papers and essay exams. It's hard to say which one is worse, but there are definitely some doozies in both. Reproduced below is the second paper for the course from one of my students. The assignment was to compare Evelyn Bluecher's An English Wife in Berlin and Vera Brittain's Testament of Youth, using the two books to defend some kind of thesis in regards to the Home Front during the First World War. The spelling and punctuation are a little wonky, but I'm reproducing them as the student wrote them. Enjoy!

( Horrible Student Paper )

One of my friends suggested that it's easier and more fun to read in your best fake Russian accent.

So, on a 100 point scale, what grade would you give to this stinkbomb?

I got to talk to David Sedaris last night. He signed my (new) copy of Me Talk Pretty One Day. He wrote:

"To Joe - I'm So Happy You're Alive"

Jennie and I had fun. We got there just in time. We got to mock the peasants who were behind us in line. It was good. Leaving 510 early was just the icing on the cake.

I walked home from school today and I'm having dinner at Panera. For some reason, I thought I had more to say than that.

I'm planning to knock at least two items off my To Do List before I leave.

During my Library Management class tonight, I got so bored that I feared I might die of boredom, so I spent the first hour writing up my Will. As morbid as that may sound, I was actually sad when I finished it and had to start paying attention again. What a dull, dull class.

MOVIE SHARE

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 movies, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 movies on this list. Copy this list mail, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put x's next to the movies you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun!

( Let the Nerdfest Begin! )

My Total: 132

I'm kind of miffed that I didn't beat Dana on this one. Where are Star Treks I-X when I need them?

So for the last three weeks, we've been reading Henri Barbusse's Under Fire, the story of a squad of French soldiers during World War I. On a quiz today, I told my students to tell me one pertinent fact about Corporal Bertrand, a hard-working rabid socialist. The answer I got on the first quiz on the pile:

"Corporal Bertrand was French."

Sigh.

They're nice kids, though.

As of April 1, I will be living at 1505 N Franklin Pl., Apt. 505, at The Buckingham Apartments. It's about nine blocks from my current dwelling.

The disadvantages of the new place are:
the elevator is even more quirky
the grocery store is a couple blocks further away
moving from one apartment to another will likely be my punishment if I go to Hell
the windows face north toward Riverwest instead of south toward Bayview and the museum
the profusion of one way streets put me in a virtual cul-de-sac

The advantages of the new place are:
it's a one-bedroom apartment - the bedroom is small but I'll have a plurality of rooms
it's closer to Brady St., the lake, and the buslines I use most
the odd situation with one-way streets seems to actually make parking easier
the landlady seems really cool
the rent is only $5 more per month than I'm currently paying for an efficiency

I'm pretty jazzed.

I've started and failed to finish at least three entries about the last week. My home internet is currently defunct, so I'll have to work on compiling all of those tonight and then post them when I come back to work tomorrow. Suffice it to say, life is good. I'm back in Milwaukee. I'll update more later.

I've decided not to head back to Milwaukee this week. Originally, the plan was to spend today, Thursday, and Friday there, then come back on Saturday. Things are going well here, though, and I'm feeling a bit too lazy to travel, so I'll just stay here until next Tuesday, then come back up to Milwaukee pretty much for good.

I hope that everyone had a good Christmas, and that all is well with the world.