Mr. Midshipman Davies

If you could rename yourself in real life, what would you choose, and why?

I think that any child that's grown up with any easily rhymed name would probably first and foremost desire a name that was multisyllabic and unrhymeable. Twenty-four years of "Joe Mama" and "How 'bout a cup of Joe?" and "YournameisJoeandyouarefromJolietandthatsfunny" have left me terribly disaffected with my name. In part, that's because I've met so few Joes who were inspirational (read: worthy of inclusion in the human race). As anyone does when they meet a person with the same name, I quietly size up any other Joes that I meet. Usually, this results in a vague disinterest and mild scorn, mixed with the slightest twinge of sympathy for another person who lived with parental reassurances that 'You're no Ordinary Joe.' Of course, though, these are usually the type of people who like that sort of thing.

Random Friend: "How 'bout we all go get a cup of Joe. Har har."
Other Joe: "But you've already got a couple of Joes right here. Har har."
Me: *wishing for death*

So if I had to rename myself, I'd choose something long and difficult to shorten into something mockable. Unfortunately, that almost inevitably means choosing something that sounds foreign, and those names get mocked just for being different. Maybe that's why I chose Ferdinand as my Official Screenname for Everything. You can mock it, but it's got too many syllables to be worth it.

Jerks, tauntingly: "Ferdinand, Ferdinand, You suck 'cuz you're Ferdi... Eh, you get the point."

Also, if you were to come up with a really good taunt for that one, you'd probably lose out in the process.

Random Jerk: "Yo Ferdinand! You know what they say? A Ferd-In-Hand is worth two in the bush! Har har."
Even Randomer Jerk: *attacks first jerk using a board with a rusty nail in the end*

In conclusion, if I had to choose a new name, it'd be James.