Mr. Midshipman Davies

Just as a reminder, the way this works is that you take one hundred college students, give them all four possible test questions two weeks in advance, review and outline possible answers with them the week before the test, and then watch them come in and fall flat on their faces.  All spelling errors and confusing formatting choices are theirs.

1.  Summarize the course of the French Revolution, and explain its historical significance.
    The French Revolution started in 1789.  It started with the three Estates Generals getting together, or convening.  After a couple months, in June, the third Estate declared them a National Assembly.  This rose up problems.  Persians (Bourgeissie) were storming the Bastille.  The king/lord of the Bastille was going to fight back until he saw fire canons aimed at the wall of the Bastille.  He then decided to surrender.  He was killed and the Persians took over the Bastille.
    This was good for a while until the peasants of Persia started to get worried.  They were fearing that the poor people would start to take over their crops.  Take them and sell them to get some sort of income, seeing as how the crops were almost ready to harvest.  The peasants then started to burn down houses and other things and get out of control.  This is what we call the Great Fear.  The Persian government started to step in, which did and didn't make things better. 
    King Louis the IVX (or IXV, something close) was trying to take hold of everything and all the fighting of the peasants and Persians, but was not having any luck with it.  He decided to disguise him and his family and leave Paris and France because he just couldn't control his kingdom anymore.  King Louis was spotted, brought back to Paris, put in prison for a while and then killed.  He was beheaded by his own people.  At this time France was starting to lose control with all the wars and fighting.  The French continued to fight its wars and way to many people were killed because of the unneccisary fighting.  Napoleon was able to seize power.
    The historical significance of the French revolution was it showed others how to fight and not to fight.  It kind of made guidelines for future wars and fights for other countries.  It helped the modern revolutions, by also giving them guidelines and how to fight.

I love how the student turned "Parisians" into "Persians," but then elected to really run with it.

    The French Revolution was started in 1719 and it is very hard to tell what year it actually ended in.  The French Revolution was a revolution between the French and the English.  This revolution lasted many years, but nobody knows what year it ended in.  It's too difficult to say.
    The French Revolution was a very difficult time for the French, since they kept losing to other countries.  The French's army was not that of a good army.  They didn't have a strong one.  That's why the kept losing to other countries.  They also didn't have any goods to trade with other countries, so they were also pretty messed up there, too.  Every country that fought against France ended up taking the title as winner, or dominator. 
    The French ended up losing the French Revolution.  They had a horrible army and no goods to trade with.  France was not in good hands at this time.  They were the weakest country at this time. 
    The historical significance of the French Revolution was that it brought* about the industrial revolution.  After the French Revolution ended shortly after that, the industrial Revolution started.  Without the French Revolution France probably would not have gotten to be such a strong country.  After losing battle after battle after battle, they finally toughened up and won a few battles.  They got a stronger army and they got some goods to trade other countries with.  They were sick of losing and never winning, so they decided it was time to start winning.

*brought was written at the end of a line, with "broug-" on one line and "ht" at the beginning of the next line

I think that every single thing about this essay is wrong to some degree.

2.  What brought about the "Industrial Revolution" in Europe, and how and why did it begin in the British Isles?
    The French Revolution brought about the Industrial Revolution.  After the French kept losing, it was time to start the Industrial Revolution.  The Industrial Revolution started in the British Isles because the British Isles is where Manchester is.  Manchester is the biggest city with a very low population.  This way when fighting you are in the biggest city, but not alot of people live there so there is not so many deaths when the Industrial Revolution is over.
    The Industrial Revolution ended in Europe somewhere.  It wasn't a very long revolution, but it was a bad one.

Fin.

For the record, we gave them the four possible test questions two weeks in advance.  This essay should include Christopher Columbus, Vasco de Gama, and the Columbian Exchange.

Trace and explain the development of European overseas expansion from the 1400s through the 16th century.  (Consult Ch. 15 and lecture notes from January 30)

...the time of the semester when other people's stupidity takes up large amounts of time.

Here are two gems from the seven exams I've graded so far for my First World War class. This has a lot to do with why I've only done seven of them. What's great is that they're not only bad, but dynamically bad.

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Short Answer 1

United States' Entry into the war

The United States entered the war when room 40 (a British decoding group) found or decoded a telegram sent to Mexico from Germany saying "invade america so we can fight our own homeland while the americans are busy fighting you and in return we will give you your land back from the American-mexican war. America was in the war already but this little event triggered the beast who goes by the name america

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ID #7

Emperor Karl: Karl Marx was the 8th Russian Emperor. His assassination brought Russia into the war on the side of the allies.

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...of my job is grading papers and essay exams. It's hard to say which one is worse, but there are definitely some doozies in both. Reproduced below is the second paper for the course from one of my students. The assignment was to compare Evelyn Bluecher's An English Wife in Berlin and Vera Brittain's Testament of Youth, using the two books to defend some kind of thesis in regards to the Home Front during the First World War. The spelling and punctuation are a little wonky, but I'm reproducing them as the student wrote them. Enjoy!

( Horrible Student Paper )

One of my friends suggested that it's easier and more fun to read in your best fake Russian accent.

So, on a 100 point scale, what grade would you give to this stinkbomb?